How to improve your communication to get what you want (in life and business!)
We’ve all been in that situation where we point fingers at our partner’s behaviour, and make claims like “you always do this” and “you never do that”.
It escalates quickly to yelling, blaming, crying…
But nothing changes and we slowly drift apart while fantasising about faking our own death and jumping on the next plane to Hawaii (…or is that just me?)
Through my work helping individuals heal their triggers and emotional wounds to live a meaningful and fulfilling life on their own terms, I’ve found that in most of these situations, the core issue that couples face is not a lack of love… it’s a breakdown in communication.
The core issue that RELATIONSHIPS face is not a lack of love AND RESPECT, but rather a breakdown in communication.
Please know that this article isn’t written from a clinical and observational standpoint… I have very much experienced this my own professional and personal relationships and shed many tears before coming across the tools and practices that changed everything.
The success of all relationships hinges on communication, especially the most intimate ones.
Successful relationships depend on each individuals ability to express their feelings clearly and compassionately… so that they can be heard and craft solutions together.
We must learn to communicate our needs, boundaries and desires in ways that do not attack or shame our loves ones. If we trigger their emotional wounds and insecurities, they shut down and become defensive (we all do! That’s the normal response to feeling attacked).
By learning to communicate in a way that emphasises mutual understanding and respect, we can create more positive and supportive interactions with others, whether in personal or professional settings.
Before we jump in, I just want to clarify that although these methods are simple and incredibly impactful, it can take time to learn how to use them effectively. Remember to always be kind and patient towards yourself (and your loved ones) in the process.
I have personally used these techniques to build solid foundations of respect and trust with my loves ones, clients and family members. These steps have been truly transformational in my life and business…
Read on to discover what Non-Violent Communication is and the step by step process to apply it in your relationships.
What is Non violent communication?
Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a communication style developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. The main idea behind NVC is to create a way of communicating that promotes understanding, empathy, and connection between people while minimising conflict, aggression, and defensiveness.
The core principles of NVC include:
Observations:
Focusing on objective observations of a situation rather than interpretations or judgments.
Feelings:
Identifying and expressing one's own feelings about a situation without blaming or attacking others.
Needs:
Recognising one's own needs and the needs of others in a situation.
Requests:
Making clear and specific requests for how to address needs, without demands or threats.
By focusing on these four elements of communication, NVC aims to create a safe and supportive environment for people to express themselves and resolve conflicts.
Non-violent communiction emphasizes active listening, empathy, and a willingness to understand the perspective of others.
One of the key benefits of NVC is that it can help individuals break down communication barriers and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
How to communicate your needs so that you are heard in relationships
Nonviolent communication aims to create understanding and connection between individuals while minimizing conflict and aggression.
It can take time and practice to develop this skill but here are some steps for implementing NVC in your relationship and conversation prompts to support your dialogue.
Observe:
Start by observing the situation without judgment. Focus on the facts of what is happening and describe them objectively.
“I have noticed that …”
Feelings:
Share your feelings about the situation using "I" statements. Be specific and honest about how you feel.
"I feel hurt when you don't listen to me."
Needs:
Identify your needs that are not being met in the situation. Be clear and specific about what you need to feel fulfilled.
"I need to feel heard and understood when I'm talking to you."
Requests:
Make a request for how your partner can meet your needs. Be clear and specific, but also open to negotiation and compromise.
For example, "Can you please put your phone down when we're talking so I can feel heard and understood?"
It's important to remember that NVC is not about blaming or attacking your partner. Instead, it's about expressing your own feelings and needs in a way that promotes understanding and connection.
With practice, better communication will enhance yoru connection and strengthen your relationship.
In any relationship, we play out familiar patterns that are not necessarily the dynamics that we desire in our lives, but simply what has been modelled to us as children.
If you are seeking support to change these unhelpful dynamics on a subconscious level and create sustainable change for a life and healthy relationships that support you, check out how I may support you here
For immediate support : FREE “CALM + CONFIDENT” MEDITATION